Happy Birthday Kate (and Happy Kate NaNa Day too)

Many of you who hang out here already know this, but October is a big month for Kate.  Her birthday, date of abandonment, Kate NaNa Day, and her adoption day all fall within 12 days of each other.  And for those of you schooled in adoption issues, you know that means lots of different emotions crammed into a very small window.  This topic could probably be a post all of its own, but suffice it to say that she experiences excitement, grief, joy, and deep introspection - often all within about an hour.  Those of you who have witnessed a child grieve, you know they express it in many ways.  Kate is no exception. Her heart aches at the thought that she will never meet her first parents or see her foster mother again. She tells me that she misses China and wants to visit again soon.  Her feelings are valid, because it is sad to lose those things. Yet she still loves us deeply, despite (or perhaps because of) her grief and loss.  Adoption is complicated and messy and beautiful and redeeming all rolled into one big ball.  For Kate it just all comes at the same time. 

Anyway, the first of these big days comes in mid-October, when we celebrate Kate NaNa Day.  This was the four year anniversary of when we met our girl.  In our family it is a tradition that we go out to eat Chinese food, and then Tim and I give her a small gift that we bought for her in China.  This year it was a purple change purse at P.F. Chang's.

 

Ten days later her birthday (which also happens to be her date of citizenship) rolled around, and she wanted to celebrate with pizza and video games.  It was a good night for prizes. 

And last but not least, we had her birthday party the following weekend. For her party, she requested chocolate cake and Chinese dumplings.  We make the dumplings, or jiaozi, from scratch.  So with about 25 people at the party, that was a lot of dumplings.  Chinese families often make these together during celebrations, so I decided to insert some Chinese tradition into the party. Most people who attended learned to make them. I had the filling mixed and ready, and the guests helped roll, fill, crimp, and fry the dumplings. It was a huge undertaking for everyone, but it was a lot of fun and delicious.  They were a big hit.

I also managed to make my first chocolate cake from scratch.  Our family tries to buy only fair trade chocolate, but it was a challenge to find a good scratch recipe.  My aunt ended up mailing me her favorite one for a chocolate cinnamon cake, which was a big hit.  I love the icing so much it makes me want to cry.

As I was putting her to bed the night of the party, Kate told me, "That was my best party day I ever had."  I was glad, and asked her what she liked about it.  "I got a Hello Kitty alarm clock, Daddy set off firecrackers, and I got to eat my dumplings."  Add a lot of friends and family to that equation, and it really was a wonderful day.

Kate,
I love you sweet girl, and I love being your mama.  I am glad you have a tender heart and process everything deeply. It is such a wonderful part of who you are and how you care about other people.  You are a joy to parent, and I can't wait to see all of the amazing things you will do with your life.  And if you really do move back to China when you are a grown up, I will still come and visit you - probably more than you like:)

Jack: 4 Weeks With Us

There will be more medical/developmental reports when I have time to write them up, but for now, a general "settling in" post. 

Jack is still feeling kind of yucky, between his cold and his ear infection.  His symptoms were fewer today, but he just seemed kind of "off".  He wanted to be held a lot and didn't want me out of his sight.  These aren't bad things to occur in an adopted child.  It is a good thing that he is seeking me out for comfort.  It is a wonderful thing.

Today during his naptime and tonight at bedtime, I laid down with him.  He would first lie down next to me, and then he would sit up and rearrange himself on top of me.  Then, he would raise his head up, give me a big open-mouthed kiss, and then lay his head back on my chest.  Over and over he did this.  I think part of it is him learning to imitate me.  Not that I give him open-mouthed kisses, mind:) But I do lean down and give him kisses when I am changing his clothes or putting him down for a nap, so I think he was trying to be like me.  I also think his comfort level with us is increasing.  He has always been a cuddle-bug, but the hugs and kisses are getting more frequent. 

And last, a picture of Jack and my Emery, who I used to babysit.  I know they look cute, but this was just before they both decided to start screaming and talking loudly in the middle of church.  They didn't stay there much longer before their mamas had to drag them out crying.  It also looks like they might be friends here right?  Well, Emery is trying really hard to make friends, but Jack isn't sure what to make of this guy yet.  I'm sure Emery will keep trying:) 

Mawage

One of the unexpected blessings of living in this little town is the friendships I have made here. (Ever notice that when you move somewhere new, you are just sure that you will never find any more friends? No? Is it just me who does that?) And it's not just that I have friends, which is surely a blessing, but the interesting situation that four of my dearest friends here are all 10-15 years younger than me. Yes, they are all in their 20s. And for the first time, I am the old one in the group.

We get together a couple of times a month for our book club, but who are we kidding? We talk books for about 15 minutes, and the other hour and 15 minutes are spent talking about our lives. I get the wonderful privilege of walking with these ladies through joys and sorrows. Babies, jobs, engagements, marriages, school work, faith, family stuff... you name it, we talk about it.

One of them - Blair - just got married, and another one - Kandice - is engaged. Thankfully, they both have found wonderful men. But as I have pondered their (up-coming) nuptials, I have thought a lot about what makes a good marriage. Tim and I don't have a perfect marriage (who does?), but we are a lot stronger and more committed than we were thirteen years ago. How does that happen?

Kandice and Blair, I don't mean this to be a comprehensive guide for marriage. People way smarter than me have written books on that topic. But here are some things I have learned in the last 13 years.

Play Nice

Sometimes I want to be ugly. I want to say ugly things. And sometimes I say them. But if I talked to my friends the way I talk to my husband (ugly), then I wouldn't have friends very long. They would totally up and ditch my butt for better friends. So why should I expect to get away with talking to my spouse that way? I can't, obviously. I have to use kind words, and speak to him the way I want to be spoken to. Or else he will leave me physically and/or emotionally.

You are on the Same Team

Early on in our marriage, I saw every argument as an opportunity for me to win and Tim to lose. Eventually I figured out a secret. You are on the same team. Either you both win, or you both lose. If one of us "wins" the argument, then our relationship suffers, and the winner isn't a winner after all. Of course, this means we must both compromise and not use our words to "defeat" the other. See also lesson number one.

You Cannot Change Your Spouse.
You Can Only Change You.

This is a hard one, but a very smart woman told me this when I was a teenager. Don't ever marry someone and think you can change them once you are married. It is never going to happen. Marry the person as they are, and love them as they are. Instead of working on them, work on changing You. You aren't perfect, so make yourself into a better spouse. If you are easily angered, work on that. If you expect perfection, work on that. If you can't seem to put your socks in the hamper, you might write yourself a note or something. Look at yourself and see what you can do. Focusing on your spouse's flaws just gets you a heap of trouble. Now, that's not to say you shouldn't talk to them when something they are doing is bothering you, but see lessons number one and two for information about how to handle that.

Oh, and my friend Elise told me something valuable years ago - when you fight, touch each other a lot. It's harder to stay mad when you are touching.

That's all I can think of for now. I love you both (and your boys). I wish you every happiness and all of God's blessings. Amen.

(Happily married people, any other time-tested and God-honoring tips you want to share?)

Birthday Party!

My kids' birthdays are at the end of June, August, and October. In the past we have done separate birthday parties, but that is a lot of cake and ice cream in a very short amount of time. So this year, with a little help from Uncle Jacob, I convinced them that it would be a blast to have one big ole party for all of them. OK, honestly, they weren't thrilled with the idea at first, but then I convinced them with promises of pinatas and water balloons, and they were on board!
We had grandparents, tons of aunts and uncles, no less than six cousins, and many friends and their parents. We even had Uncle Jacob here! (He was in town for a wedding.) I wish I could say that I am super-mom because I am capable of pulling off a party like this all by myself, but honestly, it took the whole family to get the job done. Every single person had a job - from my niece who filled water balloons and peeled carrots, to my grandmother who was the welcoming committee, to the men who washed dishes, to all of the relatives who brought food. Somehow we managed to feed 40 people, and the party was a huge success. Once again, Will declared it the best party evah!
Don't be hatin' on the cake pictures. I had to snap them fast before the flames melted Luke Skywalker's light saber!
Now I am wondering what I will have to bribe them with next year so I can get away with only one party again...

Happy New Year!

Chinese New Year, that is. Happy Year of the Rabbit!

Chinese New Year began on Thursday, and we have spread it out to sufficiently stuff ourselves for an entire week.

On Monday Tim and the kids and I made potstickers to share with friends. Super yum.
On Tuesday I made a beef-broccoli-noodle thing. It was pretty good.
On Friday we went out to a nice Chinese restaurant and had a delicious, and really loooong, meal with another set of friends.

Today we went to a FCC event with Tara and her family, and we did Chinese paper cutting, made paper lanterns, and watched a CNY show. Then we went back to their house and cooked. We made homemade egg rolls, mushu, noodles, and tea eggs. It was all pretty good, but the egg rolls were fabulous. Shout out to Tonggu Momma for her post about CNY recipes and other fun stuff!

I have definitely achieved my one-new-Chinese-recipe-a-year goal this year!

Oh, and if you are wondering where the pictures are for all of this fun, they are a bit lacking this year because I have somehow managed to lose my camera. I can't for the life of me figure out where I have left it. This is par for the course for me. In the last month I have managed to lose my glasses, my wallet, a pair of earrings, my favorite Burt's Bees lip color, and my favorite nail clippers, in addition to the camera. Everything has turned up except for the camera. I am still hoping.

In the meantime, Tara and John took a ton of pictures of today, so maybe they will show up somewhere?

Edisto Island, SC

I know I already posted pictures of our 10 day trip to Ohio and South Carolina (didn't you know that they were close together?), but I thought I would post a few more.

After leaving Ohio, we traveled south to Edisto Island, SC, where we met our friends Christa and Alex. It is a pretty little island that is very laid back, which is just how we like it.

We built sand castles.

Ate ice cream.

Swam in the pool.

And hung out with good friends.

(Christa and Alex were forced into multiple games of Cheese Touch with my children. Sorry 'bout that.)

Others of us simply sought out the shade.

Some of us also liked to hang out at the condo.

The boys loved to play in the ocean.

While Kate preferred to stay close to me.

This was as close as she would get to the water without tears.

On Monday we drove into Charleston. The kids were only interested in staying at the beach, but I got them into the car with promises of horse-drawn carriage rides and ice cream. We delivered on the ice cream, but the carriage ride was not to be. It turns out that the horses go home if it gets up to 98 degrees, and it was well over that all week long. Instead, we ate at a deli, where Kate had some yummy (and hot) chicken and dumplings.

By then, the kids were melting, so we put them back in the car and drove them down to the Battery.

Tim insisted that it would be fun to get a picture of the kids sitting on the cannon, but Kate was not in agreement.

Then we tried to go to the Children's Museum, but it was closed. Bummer. So we got back in the car and drove to Magnolia Gardens, a plantation outside of the city.

For some reason, I thought that plantation/garden = shade=lower temperatures. But it was so stinking hot that not even the shade was cool. I couldn't bring myself to lifting my arm to take a picture, so you will have to do without.

(Note to self: Do not take three young children to Charleston when it is 100 degrees outside. Everyone will be miserable.)

We really did have a great time at Edisto, even though it felt like we were on the sun a good portion of the week. But that's what the beach is for, after all.

For all the Cats fans out there...

Kate insisted on wearing her UK bow today with her pink dress. Who am I to argue?(Bow courtesy of our sweet friend, Tabitha. Thanks!)

Merry Christmas!

From our crazy house to yours, we wish you a very Merry Christmas!!!

More Ben...

Can I just tell you that I l-o-v-e getting comments? For my last post, I did a Sunday Snapshot. These are the brainchild of Stephanie at Ni Hao Y'all. If you post a Sunday Snapshot, she will post the link on her blog (which is v-e-r-y popular), and so I got lots of visitors I don't usually get. And they left comments, which is very fun because 1) I know people are reading this, and 2) I get to discover new blogs.

Anyway, since my last post, I got the pictures that Tara took weekend before last, and I thought I would share his handsomeness with y'all. (Don't worry, I have cute shots of the other two too, but you're going to have to wait;)

Going Beyond

One of the people we are blessed to have in our lives is Kandice. At summer camp this year, she was challenged to pair what she loves to do with helping others, and so she threw a blanket party, where we made blankets for people in Zambia.

My kids think she is amazing, and so do I. Kandice, thanks for being someone who seeks God's own heart.

I'm Going Beyond - Kandice Kidd from thebeyondeffect on Vimeo.

Summer Lovin'

There are so many things that I love about summer time. I love the heat, the lazy days, the thunderstorms (is it me, or are they bigger in the summer?), and the late sunsets. But I think my favorite part of summer is the food. I love all of the fresh fruits and veggies that are everywhere. I hardly ever use a canned or frozen food in the summer because everything is so plentiful and yummy. And you know there are foods you only eat in the summer, because they just taste better.

Recently I was craving one of those foods. Blackberry Cobbler. Oh, yeah. When I was a kid, there were blackberry bushes across from our house, and we would go out and eat the yummy things until we were sick. Then Mom would make a cobbler with the ones we didn't eat. Mmmm. When we lived in Versailles, I had a good friend who showed me the easiest cobbler recipe in the world. Beware, the sugar content alone will send you over the edge, but it is sooo, so good. And totally worth the calories. I mean, it's not like I eat this stuff year round, right?

Janet's Blackberry Cobbler
3/4 stick of butter
1c self-rising flour (or if you are like me and only keep all-purpose, add 3 1/2 tsp baking powder & 1/2 tsp salt to all-purpose flour)
1c sugar + 3/4 c sugar
3/4c milk
1-2c berries

Melt butter in the bottom of a medium baking pan. In a bowl, mix 1c flour, 1c sugar, gradually adding 3/4c milk. Pour into melted butter. Add berries. Pour 3/4c sugar over top. Do not stir. Bake @ 350 for 45 minutes.

Best served warm with vanilla ice cream...yum.

Happy Birthday, Ben!

Today we had a party to celebrate Ben's 7th birthday! I cannot believe that this sweet child is 7. All week long we have told stories of his birth, his first year, and my pregnancy. He loves to hear these stories, and he has been much more cuddly this week. There are so many things I love about Ben, including his generous spirit, his love for his brother and sister, and his inquisitiveness. (His questions stump me sometimes.) In a word, he is a joy.

We did the traditional burgers-and-dogs-in-the-backyard party this year. A good time was had by all...

The cake was homemade (thank you very much).

Mmmm, yummy.

New Mommy Help

I am so very blessed with good friends. Unfortunately, many of them live VERY far away, but thanks to the modern marvel known as the Internet, I am able to keep in touch with them and get a glimpse into their lives. These are some godly women who keep me grounded, and who keep me from losing my mind when I am mired in temper tantrums and sleepless nights.

One of these friends has a passion for new moms. She is one of those people who I can call when my kids are acting crazy, and I can say, "Is this normal?" and she will give me a truthful answer.

This past week, she unveiled her new blog, New Mommy Help. So if you are a new mommy (or maybe an old mommy in need of a bit of encouragement), head over to her site and wander around a bit. She has 4 kids who are just precious, and she really is a great mom. And a great friend. Now if I can just figure out how to see more of her in person...

Just for Fun

My friend Tara tagged me in a photo game.

These are the rules:

1. Choose the 4th folder where you store your pictures on the computer

2. Select the 4th picture in the folder

3. Explain the picture
4. Tag 4 people to do the same

5. No cheating (cropping, editing, etc.)

This picture was taken at my friend Shelley's house, where she was throwing a baby shower for Will. Most of my GP girls were there, plus families. Ben, age 2, is the kid in orange wearing potato head glasses, and the other little boy is Gabe. He is about a year older than Ben. We had 6 little boys running around the house that day. If we were all together now, we would have a grand total of 17 kids (13 boys, 4 girls). That's a lot of babies. Here are the other pictures I took of them, so you can actually see how cute they are.

Now then, I tag...

1. Kristy

2. Wendy

3. Nancye & Greg

4. Jeff

Soccer, Valentine's Day, and Life in General

OK, I am a slacker, but not without good reason. I mentioned a few posts back that I have several posts stewing in my brain, but getting them onto the computer is another matter entirely. It seems that there is always something important to do, someone I need to call, or somewhere I need to go. Plus, it seems that I have a lot of trouble focusing lately. On anything. I haven't been going to bed on time, I have a bad cold, and emotionally I am exhausted. There are many people who I love who are going through extremely trying times right now, and my heart just aches when I think of them. The past two Sundays I have been in tears during worship - I just can't stop. (By the way, we are still praying for my friend Doug to wake up, so please join us in praying for him.) So I am often too drained to do anything but play online or something similarly mindless.

However, while my friends and family have been going through difficult times, we have been doing well. Kate continues to heal beautifully from her surgery and from her dental work. I have every intention of writing some posts about her progress, but for now a photo will have to satisfy you.

As for the boys, they have kept busy playing soccer this winter. For those of you who don't know me very well, I am pretty much a homebody (if you don't count my travel bug). I like to have all of my kids at home with me, and I mostly avoid extracurricular activities that aren't involved with church. Ben was six years old before I ever considered any kind of sports or lessons at all. Part of it is my cheapskate nature, but most of it is my desire for family time and to let kids be kids. My boys love their afternoon play time, when my living room is turned into a massive scene from their imagination called "Batman meets Spiderman and they rescue Larry Boy and the Little People while fighting Pirates and Bad Guys." It gets a little elaborate (and chaotic), but they are actually disappointed when I suggest we go somewhere and do something. So we stay home and play a lot:)

So when I suggested they play soccer, they were less than thrilled. But I kept at them, pretty much forcing them to get out of the house this winter, and they spent six weeks playing soccer through our local YMCA. The first week, Ben was eager to learn, while Will alternated between crying and standing still like a statue when he was supposed to be learning how to play. After that though, they both started putting their all into it, and they have had a great time. After the second week, Will came home and declared he was never going to cry on a Saturday again! (Naturally that promise has already been broken. Oh well.)

Ben's favorite position is goalie. He is good at that kind of focused attention on one job. This past week his coach was putting him in another position, and I overheard Ben telling him that he had already played offense and defense today, but he would really like to be goalie again. It's a really more of a class than a league, and the coach was agreeable and put him in that position, which made him happy.

Each week they are put into teams, and one week they ended up on different teams. On the way home Ben said, "I was the only one on the yellow team who was cheering for the greens." He didn't see anything wrong or funny in cheering for his brother in green.

Will thinks goalie is boring, and he would rather RUN! Check out the joy on this kid's face when he chases the ball.

And when he actually kicks it...

In other words, soccer has been a hit. I don't know that they will stick with it long term, but it has been a good taste of what sports can be in the future. I am thinking of Tball in the spring.

Lastly, I have never liked Valentine's Day. It is just about card and flower and candy and jewelry companies trying to make a buck. This attitude always leaves my husband in a quandary, because he doesn't know if I really want him to get me a gift or not. (I don't, by the way.) So this year, he came up with the best solution ever! He got a grocery list pad with magnets on it, and on each page he wrote things that he and the kids loved about me. This week it says, "We love to color with mommy." It is awesome, and it cost $.99, and I love it!!!! Best V Day present ever:) Isn't it great?