Merry Christmas!

I usually send out Christmas cards to out-of-town friends and family, but it didn't happen this year. Somehow I couldn't seem to wrap my brain around a photo shoot. So consider this your Christmas greeting. At least this way you get outtakes and maybe a laugh or two.

Merry Christmas!


Love, Tim, Amy, Ben, Will, Kate, and Yin Tao

LOA

I am very pleased to announce that we received our Letter of Approval from China today!

Would love to stay and chat, but I must go fill out about four or five more forms.

And no, we still don't know when we will travel, but this does narrow it down from March-August to late March-May. Probably. Maybe. Yeah, I still don't know.

Merry Christmas!

What's wrong with this picture?

My blog header is acting crazy. It has turned into this tiny picture. I have tried re-loading. I have tried loading a new picture (which is up there now). I have tried looking for online help to solve the problem.

Any bloggers or techies know what is wrong? How do I make it big again?

(And no, no word on our LOA. Believe me, I will post here as soon as I have it, Lord willing and the internet isn't down.)

Perspective, Part 2

I woke up this morning pondering what today would bring. I am not a morning person, so usually the only thing on my mind is turning off the alarm and finding the bathroom. After I took care of those two items on the agenda, I realized that my jaw was clenched. It hurt. My teeth hurt. And I remembered what I was hoping would happen today. The same thing I have hoped for for the last 67 days. My LOA.

I am usually pretty relaxed about things. I normally have no trouble falling asleep at night. I try to roll with the punches and stay flexible. But this wait is killing me. I lay awake worrying about things that I have no control over. I grit my teeth all day long. I am having headaches more often.

But this morning I realized something that normally would've occurred to me much earlier. I have no control over this process. I try to have control by keeping up with LOA and TA averages and what provinces process paperwork more quickly and whether my agency has checked on my dossier lately. But ultimately, I have no control.

And that is killing me.

I have rationalized that I need my LOA quickly for a million different reasons - It would be nice to travel during the kids' spring break. The boys' passports will expire soon (and they may or may not travel with us). Yin Tao needs better nutrition. He also needs to have his repairs done soon for the sake of his physical and developmental needs.

And these are all good reasons to want to travel this spring, but I am old enough to realize that my perspective is not God's. His plans are always better.

So this morning I resolved to let go. That is probably more easily said than done, but I need it. I desperately need to turn it over to the One who holds it all in the palm of His hand. I need to rest and allow Him to do His thing. I need to sleep at night so that I can be a better parent during the day. I need to relax and enjoy my family of five. I desperately need to re-discover the reason for celebrating Christmas.

So hopefully I can spend the day taking deep breaths, praying, eating healthy foods, and enjoying friends and family. And then maybe I can get up and do that again tomorrow.

Something's gotta give.

That Kid

You know, that kid. The one that ruins Christmas and Santa for everyone else. I'm pretty sure I've got that on my hands this year.

Back in November, Kate came home from school and said something about Santa bringing presents. Will dispelled the Santa myth in our house last year once and for all, so I was surprised and reminded her about who brings the presents and not to tell kids at school. (I also did not want a repeat of the last three Christmases where she has screamed her head off anytime we bumped into the Jolly Old Elf or his Wife.)

Fast forward into December. She came home from school again and says, "I got into a fight today." I took a deep breath, reminded myself that fight likely meant argument, and dove in.

Me: Why did you get into a fight.
Kate: Well, it was about whether Santa is real or not.
Me: Please tell me you didn't tell the other kids that Santa isn't real.
Kate: Well, yeah.
Me: NaNa, we have talked about this. Not everyone knows the secret that Santa isn't real, and some families like to pretend, so we don't want to spoil their fun by telling the secret.
Kate: Oh, yeah, I forgot.
Me: Well, from now on keep that information to yourself.

So let me officially apologize to all the families that my daughter has told about Santa. I hope you were able to repair the damage.

61 Days and Counting...

That's how long we have been waiting for our Letter of Approval (LOA) from China.

Technically, we spent the first nine days waiting for Pre-Approval (PA), which means we have really only been waiting for 52 days.

For that matter, we didn't know we had PA until October 19, which was 14 days into our wait. So that means we have been waiting for 47 days.

But no matter how I try to slice it up, we are still 61 days into our wait since we officially decided to adopt Yintao. Two entire months.

The average wait times right now are somewhere in the neighborhood of 75 days from LOI to LOA, so we are still two weeks under average, but that doesn't change my strong desire to get on a plane tomorrow.

I know I said I wouldn't worry until after Christmas, but I don't know how much longer I can hold it off.

Mawage

One of the unexpected blessings of living in this little town is the friendships I have made here. (Ever notice that when you move somewhere new, you are just sure that you will never find any more friends? No? Is it just me who does that?) And it's not just that I have friends, which is surely a blessing, but the interesting situation that four of my dearest friends here are all 10-15 years younger than me. Yes, they are all in their 20s. And for the first time, I am the old one in the group.

We get together a couple of times a month for our book club, but who are we kidding? We talk books for about 15 minutes, and the other hour and 15 minutes are spent talking about our lives. I get the wonderful privilege of walking with these ladies through joys and sorrows. Babies, jobs, engagements, marriages, school work, faith, family stuff... you name it, we talk about it.

One of them - Blair - just got married, and another one - Kandice - is engaged. Thankfully, they both have found wonderful men. But as I have pondered their (up-coming) nuptials, I have thought a lot about what makes a good marriage. Tim and I don't have a perfect marriage (who does?), but we are a lot stronger and more committed than we were thirteen years ago. How does that happen?

Kandice and Blair, I don't mean this to be a comprehensive guide for marriage. People way smarter than me have written books on that topic. But here are some things I have learned in the last 13 years.

Play Nice

Sometimes I want to be ugly. I want to say ugly things. And sometimes I say them. But if I talked to my friends the way I talk to my husband (ugly), then I wouldn't have friends very long. They would totally up and ditch my butt for better friends. So why should I expect to get away with talking to my spouse that way? I can't, obviously. I have to use kind words, and speak to him the way I want to be spoken to. Or else he will leave me physically and/or emotionally.

You are on the Same Team

Early on in our marriage, I saw every argument as an opportunity for me to win and Tim to lose. Eventually I figured out a secret. You are on the same team. Either you both win, or you both lose. If one of us "wins" the argument, then our relationship suffers, and the winner isn't a winner after all. Of course, this means we must both compromise and not use our words to "defeat" the other. See also lesson number one.

You Cannot Change Your Spouse.
You Can Only Change You.

This is a hard one, but a very smart woman told me this when I was a teenager. Don't ever marry someone and think you can change them once you are married. It is never going to happen. Marry the person as they are, and love them as they are. Instead of working on them, work on changing You. You aren't perfect, so make yourself into a better spouse. If you are easily angered, work on that. If you expect perfection, work on that. If you can't seem to put your socks in the hamper, you might write yourself a note or something. Look at yourself and see what you can do. Focusing on your spouse's flaws just gets you a heap of trouble. Now, that's not to say you shouldn't talk to them when something they are doing is bothering you, but see lessons number one and two for information about how to handle that.

Oh, and my friend Elise told me something valuable years ago - when you fight, touch each other a lot. It's harder to stay mad when you are touching.

That's all I can think of for now. I love you both (and your boys). I wish you every happiness and all of God's blessings. Amen.

(Happily married people, any other time-tested and God-honoring tips you want to share?)