Confessions of a Bad Blogger

Since I have been overwhelmed with life in the past year lately, I may have passed up a few bloggable moments.  But there are a few things I would never forget to tell you from 2012.

1. I would never forget to mention that Will learned to ride his bike this past spring.

2.  And I am sure that I remembered to post photographical evidence that we actually did spend a week at the beach with Tim's family. No?

 3. Likewise, I would never fail to blog if Kate learned to read.

4. If Ben had continued to write funny comic strips to amuse his teacher and me, I would post every single one.

5.  I am sure that if Will had visited the local newspaper office and become inspired to write his own newspaper, complete with cover story, sports section, interviews, comics, and puzzles, of course I would have told you about it!

6. I got a new camera just before Thanksgiving, but if a tall, skinny stranger tried to eat my youngest while I was messing with the settings, I am sure I would have remembered and posted a photo.

7.  I always remember to post the Annual Cousins-on-the-Stairs pic, especially if it is Jack's first one.

8. And if Kate ever won an award at school for never giving up or quitting, I would have taken the time to blog about it.

9. We didn't do anything fun like decorate gingerbread houses. And Jack-Man did not eat his house before it ever got decorated.  (Thanks again, Lilly!)

10. And of course, Jack did not fall on his face shortly before said gingerbread adventure, getting a large contusion on his forehead which is still visible more than two weeks later. 


I am also sure that the astute readers among you noticed that I still failed to mention our Christmas celebrations, but maybe I will get to that before the spring thaw. Or maybe I won't. Who knows what you will get from this bad blogger. 

Overwhelmed.

If I had to pick one word to describe the last four weeks (yep, almost a month during which I haven't blogged), it would be overwhelming. 

While I sometimes like to write with lightheartedness or sarcasm, other times I feel that vulnerability and honesty are the better way.  October (and September, if I am being truthful) calls for that. 

Overwhelming.

I am overwhelmed with the number of appointments. My kids and/or I have had appointments with plastic surgeons, ophthalmologists, optometrists, ENTs, audiologists, orthodontists, dentists, speech and language pathologists, OB/GYNs, teachers, and pediatricians. I think we are currently averaging around five appointments a week.

I am overwhelmed with my kids activities.  Individually, it really isn't that much, but since there are four of them, it feels like more.  This fall the three big kids played soccer.  This winter Kate and Will are playing basketball.  Ben is on the academic team.  Ben and Kate want (and really should) take swimming lessons (and I am sure I will force Will to go as well).  Will and Kate also are in Bible Club at school.  Ben has an important role in the church Christmas play (which thankfully requires very little effort on my part), and Kate and Will are in the younger kids choir.  For now, I go to Sunday school with Jack to help him feel comfortable and safe, which we are thiiiisss close to achieving. 

I am overwhelmed by the pain of those that I love.  There are multiple people in my life who are hurting, and I want to fix everything for them.  I can't.  I can listen. I can hug.  I can pray. I can cook.  But I can't fix anything. (And those of you who are in that pain, please don't stop calling me.  I will worry about you whether you call me or not.  Talking to you actually helps. I mean it.)

I am overwhelmed by laundry, gardening, dirty floors, dirty toilets, disobedient children, screaming children (mostly one in particular), home repairs, phone calls, husbands who work around 50 hours a week, breakfasts, lunches, dinners, birthday parties, homework, children's church, political debates, and committee meetings.

But.

And this is a big but;)

I am also overwhelmed with the support I am getting from those I love.  My friends and family have been incredibly supportive of me and my family through all of the stuff I wrote about above.  They have let me vent, cry, and stomp my foot.  And then they make me laugh.  They cook for me and my children.  They help me make plans to make my life easier and talk through my options and give me their honest opinions.  Between my family, my college roommates, my book club, my fellow adoptive parents, and my friends who live thousands of miles away but still call to check on me on a regular basis, I am overwhelmed with support.

I am overwhelmed with joy spending time with my small group at church.  I, along with two other amazing women, work with teen girls each week.  These girls rock.  They are smart, funny, passionate, and compassionate, I can't believe I get to sit and laugh with them every week. 

I am overwhelmed with love.  Because even though we are crazy busy, my kids still take time to crawl up in my lap (or rather, my arms since I am not usually sitting) and tell me that they love me.  My husband still makes me feel beautiful and smart. And my God still reminds me Every. Single. Day. that He is in control of all of this.  Love. 

So, yes, I am overwhelmed.  With good, bad, and in between.  But it is all good.  And this too shall pass.  In about sixteen years.  I really have an amazing life.  If a tad overwhelming at the moment.

Testing photos

Test post...7

To those of you who are notified with each post, I heartily apologize. I am experimenting with how to post via email, just in case I can't access my blog while we are away. As a reward for clicking on my test post, here is some cuteness from 2008.

*Edited to say, this post doesn't appear to be showing up on my blog feed, so maybe it doesn't do that if I post via email? Who knows. After four years I still can't figure this thing out:) Just be forewarned if you are one of those people who read posts that way.

**Edited again to say that it showed up on my blog feed sometime after midnight. So I guess it does work, just in a delayed fashion.

Where was I?

I seem to be in a weird place right now. A place where I can't seem to put more than a handful of words together before I am distracted and can't remember what I was talking about in the first place. I am pretty sure that in the last couple months I have started no fewer than a dozen or so blog posts in my head, but they never seem to make it beyond that initial, "Hey, I need to write this down when I get home." By the time I get home I can't even remember what I planned to make for dinner, much less what cute and witty thing my child said.

Maybe I should start bullet blogging like Megan at Millions of Miles does occasionally. I currently find that method really helpful, because in addition to not being able to complete a coherent sentence, I also seem to be unable to read more than three sentences on any website/blog before I start wondering if TAs have started coming in yet, or how much hotels in China are. And then I hit the search button and forget where I was.

Where was I?

Oh yeah, my head is all a-whirl. Blahblahblah.

I know someday I will look back on this blog and think it weird that this year I didn't post about Christmas or Chinese New Year or any of that stuff, but then I will probably remember that I can't concentrate on anything for more than 30 seconds, and hopefully I will have enough grace to forgive myself.

I wonder if it will get better once we have Jack. Will I suddenly be able to think clearly? I somehow find that unlikely, but I did write coherently when we brought Kate home. (Or maybe I didn't. Maybe no one understood me at all, and you all just came 'round for the cute kid pictures. Well, there's a hit to my ego.)

I hope that I will actually be able to reach inside myself and make sense of all of the thoughts and emotions that are whirling around in there. I hope that I will be able to sort out and put words to my joy, my fears, my heart, my blessings.

But if I don't, you all will still come and look at cute kids pics, right?

What's wrong with this picture?

My blog header is acting crazy. It has turned into this tiny picture. I have tried re-loading. I have tried loading a new picture (which is up there now). I have tried looking for online help to solve the problem.

Any bloggers or techies know what is wrong? How do I make it big again?

(And no, no word on our LOA. Believe me, I will post here as soon as I have it, Lord willing and the internet isn't down.)

Procrastination

Have I mentioned I am taking a class right now? No, nothing fun like pottery or painting. Or painting pottery.

No, I am taking library science technology. Part 2. It has two components - web design and video making. Can you say gag me with a spoon?

I know I may have some of you fooled into thinking that I am a Technology Genius with my mad blog design skills, but here is confession (There have been a lot of those lately, yes?) - Blogger does it all for me. I do very little. I just get to write. (Of course, those of you with blogs of your own realize that my blog design is lame, but I have been fooling many of my readers for years!)

It's not so much that I find web design hard. Although to me it is. I also find it incredibly boring. All of the link creating and repetitive tasks involved and frankly, I would rather read a good book, or play on RQ, or clean a toilet than do it. But alas, if I want to pass this course and eventually be certified to be a school library media specialist (aka, librarian), then I must actually do the work. Ugh.

But you can see how well I am actually doing that. Here I am, with an assignment due tonight at midnight. All my kids are at school. The one child I am babysitting today is upstairs asleep. Dinner is in the crockpot. And what I am I doing? I am here talking to you. And not even about anything important like Kate NaNa Day, or our recent trip to Williamsburg, or a Big Announcement that hopefully I can share soon. No, I am writing about procrastination.

I do seem to be an expert on the topic after all.

Adoption Questions & Info

I seem to be getting a lot of adoption related questions lately. Not here in blog-land, but among my real-life friends. (Not that those of you who I know "virtually" aren't real friends, but you know what I mean.) The questions range from how to choose a country/program, to how long it takes to complete an adoption, to questions about special needs. I am not an expert in any of these topics, but I usually can figure out how to find the answers. I have spent a lot of time (way too much, according to my family) with the online adoption community. I circulate among the blogs, the forums, and the yahoo groups, and especially try to keep up with what is going on in China. These questions are rarely of the "yes/no" variety, and usually lead to very long conversations about different adoption programs, agencies, and the ethics of adoption.

Unless you are completely unfamiliar with international adoption, you are probably aware that there is a slowdown in Chinese adoptions right now. What used to be a wait of 6-12 months for a referral of a healthy Chinese infant is now at about 5 years. That means that the folks who are receiving their referrals right now had their paperwork logged-in to China in June 2006. If you sent in your paperwork right now, the wait is estimated to be about 7-10 years. While I don't fault the people who continue to wait, I could never advise anyone to enter China's non-special needs (NSN) program.

What a lot of people don't realize is that most people entering China's adoption program right now are people who are open to adopting children with special needs. These needs range from mild to severe and could include anything from a birthmark to life-threatening heart conditions, and everything in between. For this program, families can complete an adoption in about one year.

Another thing that even fewer people know is that most of the children waiting to be adopted are boys. Yes, you heard that right, boys from China. I assume that there are pretty much equal numbers of boys and girls who are placed on the special needs list, but the girls are chosen for adoption much faster than the boys, and so the boys tend to wait on the list much longer. Currently there are over 1800 kids on China's waiting child list, and over 1300 of those are boys. That's about 70%!

(And you may not have noticed, but I recently added a section to my sidebar with a list of bloggers who advocate for waiting children. If you spend about 2 minutes on these sites you will see the boy-cuteness everywhere. They include: So They Wait..., Loving the Fatherless, Waiting Children, Still we Wait, Wonderful Waiting Kids, Red Thread Kids, Delilah's Dream, and A Family For Everyone. Not to mention Rainbow Kids, which has a large database of waiting children around the world.)

So, after I information-spew all of this onto my dear ones, I then point them to online resources. First, I point them towards No Hands But Ours. This is a website with a whole lot of information and family stories from people who have adopted kids with special needs. Then, I tell them to visit China Adopt Talk (aka Rumor Queen). Obviously, the primary focus of this forum is China, but there are rooms where you can ask questions about other countries' programs as well. And for a good look at adoption-related issues, I would recommend Grown In My Heart. This website features writers from all sides of the adoption triad - first parents, adoptive parents, and adult adoptees.

(And if you have any other resources out there that I have missed - especially for countries other than China - feel free to leave a comment.)

So, where does that leave us? Well, I've been around all of this long enough to know that I could never know everything there is about adoption. And that there are a lot of controversial issues out there that I didn't even know were controversial five or ten years ago. And that it is really important to hear the voices of first mothers and adoptees, because their experiences are not mine, but they do matter. And that it is important for all adoptive parents to know about attachment issues before the kid comes home. And that it is important to be informed on the issues so that we will make good decisions now and so that we can be prepared to parent adopted kids.

Which means you and I both have a lot of homework to do.

See what cool things I find when I catch up on blog reading...

I found this on a friend's blog (thanks, Radicchis!). Have you ever pondered what impact your Christmas could have? I have no idea who made it, but completely agree with every word and am thankful for the reminder. Amen and amen.

Getting Started Again...

Before I do get started, let me just say, yes, I know I haven't blogged in almost four weeks. I was most certainly reminded of this during Thanksgiving. And I also realize that most of you aren't even still reading because you have stopped checking in to see if there are any new posts up. (I know some of you are "followers" and can just check your "dashboard," but some of my former readers were friends and family who just drop by every now and then.) But I digress...

What was I saying? Oh yes. Getting started. I seem to have forgotten how to do that. How to think of an idea and then write about it. You see, the reason that I haven't been around is that I spent the last month doing proofs #6,7,8,9,10, &11 on the church history book. (OK, so I don't actually know how many times I proofed the daggone thing, but it feels like twice that many.) And by the time we sent it to the printer last week, I couldn't stand the sight of my laptop. I was interested in what was going on with all of my favorite blogs, but I couldn't bear to stare at the screen for One. More. Second! So I turned it off. Admittedly, I occasionally checked my email, but I didn't read a blog or write a word or even look at the pics of my kids that I was sent on a CD (sorry, TD).

I broke my computer fast on Sunday, deciding that I hated Wally World and malls and Black Friday worse than I hated my computer. So, with Cyber Monday approaching, I shopped my heart out. Within 24 hours I had most of the kids' presents, along with several parents and teachers crossed off the list. And I didn't have to leave my house or push a cart full of kids playing cheese touch through crowded stores, which was totally awesome.

And I decided if I could cyber-shop, I could read blogs. And then I decided that if I could read blogs, I could start writing again. If only I could come up with something to write about. Cause let me tell you, a month ago, I had about a half dozen things I wanted to write about, but I don't remember what they were. And when you don't do something very often, you forget how to do it. Or at least that is how it worked with me. And now the well is dried up. Yep. Dry.

Today I decided that if I didn't get started again, I would become one of those blogs that people stumble onto and the blogger hasn't posted since like, 2006 or something, and you roll your eyes and move on. Which disgusted me.

But the main motivation was that this is my one creative outlet. I may have started writing so that Jacob and Alison could see pictures of my kids and our trip to China, but now I write because I enjoy it.

So I am getting started again. I don't know what kind of stuff I will write about, but I am going to go back to my goal of posting at least once a week, preferably twice (you people who blog daily make me roll my eyes, too - but in jealousy, not disgust). We will see how that works out.

I know there isn't much substance to this post, but I gotta start somewhere.

I won again!

What's up with that? If this keeps up I am going to have to stop saying that I never win anything.

A few months ago, I won two awesome CDs (which we are thoroughly enjoying, TM) from this momma, and today, I checked my blogfeed and found this! I won a game called Mastermind, or Mastermind Towers. I am not sure which one I won, but they both look great. My kids saw the original post and wanted to know all about this game, so now they will have a chance to play it for themselves. Fun stuff.

Incidentally, Megan's blog is one of my favorites. She writes amazing posts about the Congo, her son's struggles with attachment, and parenting in general. Plus, she is stinkin' hilarious. She makes me laugh out loud all. the. time.

Thanks, Megan!!!

Because We All Need to Laugh More

Today I was reading this blog, and she had a link to "Why Having a Toddler is Like Being at a Frat Party."

And the comments were hilarious too. My favorite one was from Goober's Mom:

"No one walks in a straight line and they randomly fall down.

There are always fights that need to be broken up. And are immediately followed by 'I love you, bro.'"

I know this is an old post, but I thought I would share the joy:)

You really should read this.

If you have ever adopted...

If you are waiting to adopt...

If you have ever considered adoption...

I strongly encourage you to go read Tonggu Momma's Love and Adoption. There is some hard stuff in there. But it's important stuff.

*Update* And just so you don't think that adoptive parents have it all together {cause most of us don't}, see what she shared today when someone asked her if she already knew all that stuff when she went to China.

Bits of Brilliance

I follow a lot of blogs. One click on my profile will show you that I really have an addiction. Recently I tried to purge some from my list so that I would spend less time on the computer, but unfortunately I have found others to take their place. Oh well.

I think the reason I keep reading is because sometimes others can speak what is in your heart, or teach you something that had never occurred to you, or just bring you peace. They make me feel less alone than the voices in my head.

This week I read several posts that make me think really hard about love and God and adoption and the least of these. Things I can't stop thinking about. Things I want to share with everybody.

So today you get to reap the benefits of my addiction.

We'll start with Carrie, who lives and serves in China. Last week she threw a birthday party for a little girl who is in foster care. (While you are over there, you might consider clicking on the Chip-In link to help little Kiah get the heart surgery she needs.) Beautiful.

And then there is Katie from Amazima Ministries in Uganda. She is working with an extraordinary group of women there, not to mention serving her community and parenting a boatload of kids. Amazing.

Christine at Welcome to My Brain is encouraging parents of children with RAD. Her thoughts on therapeutic parenting and love totally challenge parents (in a good way), even for those of us not parenting kids with serious attachment issues. Empowering.

TongguMomma talks about God and adoption, but it isn't at all what you are expecting. And I think it's wonderful. In fact, it reminded me of Katie's post about her work in Uganda (see above). Thoughtful.

And last but not least, it always makes me smile to read about Cheeky over at And Then There Were Seven. Go read her momma's words about love and refilling her "dry well". Inspirational.

I'm back:)

I just returned from vacation yesterday, and I have already had three complaints about my lack of blogging. For the record, I am pretty sure they miss the cute kids pics much more than the witty remarks.

Frankly, I am not sure I have a blog in me tonight. I am pretty exhausted. But I do have several stewing in my head.... Memorial Day, T-ball, Kate's new words, super heroes, and (of course) vacation, just to name a few possible upcoming topics. So, please forgive me, and come back again soon. I promise to do better:)

And as a promise of things to come, here is a picture that Wendy took. I haven't even loaded my pics on the computer yet, but Wendy is a better photographer anyway, so enjoy:)

God Things

Don't you just love it when God puts things in place in such a way that you just have to smile? Or maybe jump up and down? As you know, I am a blog junkie, and today I stumbled upon two blogs that had really cool stories, and I just had to share. I don't know these people personally, but I found their blogs through other blogs or forums.

The first one is the story of a family who is bringing home baby number 9 (seriously? - wow). They recently found out that their daughter who is waiting in China is receiving treatment from the ONE doctor in China who their American doctor recommended. Believe me when I tell you that waiting parents have absolutely NO control over this sort of thing. This was definitely a God thing. Very cool.

The second one is about a lady who bought some gifts to donate to an organization in China. Fast forward to when she receives an update about her daughter from the orphanage... there is a picture in the update of her waiting daughter wearing the EXACT sweatshirt that she sent. Somehow it made its way to her daughter. That is amazing to me. God thing.

So, what God things have you all seen lately? Anyone want to share?

New Mommy Help

I am so very blessed with good friends. Unfortunately, many of them live VERY far away, but thanks to the modern marvel known as the Internet, I am able to keep in touch with them and get a glimpse into their lives. These are some godly women who keep me grounded, and who keep me from losing my mind when I am mired in temper tantrums and sleepless nights.

One of these friends has a passion for new moms. She is one of those people who I can call when my kids are acting crazy, and I can say, "Is this normal?" and she will give me a truthful answer.

This past week, she unveiled her new blog, New Mommy Help. So if you are a new mommy (or maybe an old mommy in need of a bit of encouragement), head over to her site and wander around a bit. She has 4 kids who are just precious, and she really is a great mom. And a great friend. Now if I can just figure out how to see more of her in person...

My name is Amy, and I am a Blog Addict

There. I confess. I love blogs, and I love blogging. I love to unload and vent. I love to write about my beautiful children. I love to attempt to get my thoughts down, even when I fail miserably and later can't figure out what I was trying to say in the first place. I love sharing pictures and videos and information so that I don't have to call all of my relatives to share because they can just read about it on the blog. And yes, I know that I am wordy. I like that too.

But perhaps I love reading blogs even more than writing them. I love the ones that update me on friends that live hundreds of miles away or across town. I love the ones that help me look at life from a different angle. But most of all I love adoptive family blogs. (No offense meant to those of you who aren't in this category. I love you too.) Every chance I get I am making my rounds on the blogs of people I have never even met to check in on their children and see how their lives have changed since they got home. I love to read about the little girl who had heart surgery days after her arrival in the U.S. And I love to read about Fin the Kindergartner. This little girl is adorable, and her mom is so funny. She always makes me laugh. Then there is Jeff. When he was in China to pick up his daughter he made me think about some really tough adoption issues. And I can't wait to see new pictures of Tara's son (he is soooo cute) and hear about her perspective. (OK, so I know Tara personally, but this makes it even better!) And ok, yes, I love to hear about their craziness because it somehow makes me feel a little more normal.

Another thing I love about adoption blogs is how God is using them to create community. These people provide me with encouragement and support. They make me cry and laugh. There is one lady who is in Uganda right now to bring home her 8th and 9th children. From her, I am learning to pray more for my kids and for orphans around the world. And then there is Sharla. Somehow, Sharla always says what I wish I could say, only she says it about 10x better. For example, I've been thinking about James 1:27, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." It had been floating around in my head for a couple of days, and then she writes a post about it. And then in my post yesterday, I had been trying to put into words some of the preparation that goes into adoption. I had been trying to express how you shouldn't expect all sunshine and roses all of the time because sometimes adoption is tough. I was thinking all academically, but she points out that the most important thing is to ask God to prepare your heart for adoption, because there are certain things that only He can do. Wow - exactly!

The point is, God has blessed me with all of these folks who are a lot like a support group of sorts for me. I love how they challenge me to think outside the box and to go deeper in my relationship with God. So thank you to all of my cyber-friends out there. There are more of you than I could possibly count (like I said, I have an addiction), and I appreciate your openness and honesty. And I appreciate you making me feel less crazy too.

Leave me a comment, please!

You don't actually have to if you don't want to. But several people have recently told me that they tried to leave me a comment and they just couldn't figure it out. Or they didn't want to set up an account to do it. So I have now changed my comment section so that you can leave a comment without logging in. If you do that, it will show up as "anonymous", so please tell me who you are when you comment. Or if you prefer to set up an account, that is fine too. All you need is an email address and you are in business.

I am going to leave it this way for a couple of weeks as an experiment. If I get a bunch of freaky anonymous comments I am shutting y'all down! Seriously though, I thought I would try this, hoping that more people who wanted to leave a comment would feel comfortable doing so. We shall see...