Perspective, Part 2

I woke up this morning pondering what today would bring. I am not a morning person, so usually the only thing on my mind is turning off the alarm and finding the bathroom. After I took care of those two items on the agenda, I realized that my jaw was clenched. It hurt. My teeth hurt. And I remembered what I was hoping would happen today. The same thing I have hoped for for the last 67 days. My LOA.

I am usually pretty relaxed about things. I normally have no trouble falling asleep at night. I try to roll with the punches and stay flexible. But this wait is killing me. I lay awake worrying about things that I have no control over. I grit my teeth all day long. I am having headaches more often.

But this morning I realized something that normally would've occurred to me much earlier. I have no control over this process. I try to have control by keeping up with LOA and TA averages and what provinces process paperwork more quickly and whether my agency has checked on my dossier lately. But ultimately, I have no control.

And that is killing me.

I have rationalized that I need my LOA quickly for a million different reasons - It would be nice to travel during the kids' spring break. The boys' passports will expire soon (and they may or may not travel with us). Yin Tao needs better nutrition. He also needs to have his repairs done soon for the sake of his physical and developmental needs.

And these are all good reasons to want to travel this spring, but I am old enough to realize that my perspective is not God's. His plans are always better.

So this morning I resolved to let go. That is probably more easily said than done, but I need it. I desperately need to turn it over to the One who holds it all in the palm of His hand. I need to rest and allow Him to do His thing. I need to sleep at night so that I can be a better parent during the day. I need to relax and enjoy my family of five. I desperately need to re-discover the reason for celebrating Christmas.

So hopefully I can spend the day taking deep breaths, praying, eating healthy foods, and enjoying friends and family. And then maybe I can get up and do that again tomorrow.

Something's gotta give.