Kate's new favorite word is "mine". Except she doesn't say it like that. She says, "MY!" She says it about anything. Sometimes she is truly trying to establish if something is hers or not, and sometimes she is just being funny. For example, she will say point to my shoes and say, "MY!" just to make me laugh. And then she will giggle. It is very cute. I think part of it is experimentation with the idea that something could belong to her. That is a relatively new concept in her life.
Yesterday I was putting Kate down for a nap, and she pointed to my chest and said, "MY!". Oh my! Is there anything better? I said, "That's right baby. I am YOUR mama, forever and ever." And she just fell into my arms with a big ole hug. It was one of those moments you just want to hang onto. Precious.
All in all, Kate's attachment to us is going well. I was so worried when I went to Florida last month to be with my grandparents. Worried that she would decide she liked it better with my mom. Worried that she would be angry with me for leaving her. Worried that she would think I was never coming back. But when I came home she was thrilled to see me. The only glitch we had was that there were a few days after my return that I couldn't say, "I'll be right back" without her totally freaking out on me. But that is better now.
Bedtime is continuing to go well. For me anyway. She still isn't convinced that Tim should put her to bed sometimes, but she deals with it fine. When I put her to bed, she wants my arm around her until she starts to drop off, and then she pushes it away. (I can't really blame her. I can't sleep touching anybody either. It's weird. I know.) I just do what I used to do. I kiss her little hand and tell her that I love her. I can't remember the last time that she played the "I want you/I don't want you game".
She often asks us now to be rocked before bed, which is a new thing. She likes to sit tummy to tummy with her head turned to the side. But I will sometimes hold her like a tiny baby and sing ABC's (her current fave) to her. Sometimes she will gaze into my eyes the whole time (a very good attachment sign), and sometimes she looks around the room. Still, just the fact that she allows me to hold her like that is progress.
She sometimes asks me to feed her with a spoon like a baby. Again, it may sound like regression to the outside world, but in the adoption world, this means that she trusts me to give her food, and that she needs that extra bit of nurturing and love. She doesn't do bottles or sippies at all, so she still drinks from her own cup (while pointing at mine and saying MY and laughing).
Her relationship with the boys continues to grow and evolve. They love her. I overheard them discussing today how they are "falling in love with her". They have no idea what this means other than that they are crazy about her, which is true. When we returned from Ohio this week she asked about them constantly and couldn't wait to see them. So the feeling is mutual.
But the honeymoon is over though. They hit each other like most brothers and sisters now, which means that Kate NaNa has been introduced to the timeout chair. I usually sit down with her and talk to her about how she can't hit her brothers.
She is now comfortable staying in the nursery without me. I spent a couple of months going to Sunday School with her so that she would get used to the nursery area and the workers. Now I say, "I am going to _____. Do you want to come or do you want to play here?" Nine times out of ten she signs play, gives me a kiss, and has a great time. When I pick her up, she is happy to see me, gives me a big smile, and waves bye bye to the nearest adult. I was worried the surgery and time at home would mess up our work, but she was eager to get back to our weekly routine. Her transition has been great.
So, all of this paints a pretty rosy picture. Is everything perfect? No. She still can get clingy, push me away when she is mad, and scream when Daddy tries to put her to bed. And I am sure that as language develops and she gets older, more issues WILL arise. But I just have to take it one step at a time.
I started with a story, so I will end with one too. Early on, I had a big Aha moment one night when she woke up crying, but pushed me away. I forced myself on her, calmed her down, and as I left her room, Will started crying. His eyes weren't even open, but he heard me come in and instinctively raised his arms to me. I cuddled him a moment, and he drifted off again. The difference in their reactions was startling to me. Fast forward to now. One night this week Kate woke up crying. I went into her room to find her eyes closed, arms outstretched toward me. I cuddled her, and she was asleep in moments. I finally feel like when she cries "mama" in the middle of the night, she is talking about me. I doubt she has forgotten her foster mama (I have no desire to wipe out her memories), but she has accepted me now, and she trusts me. Precious.
OK, I lied. One more thing. I saw this link posted on someone else's blog recently, and I thought it was quite thought provoking. Check it out.
1 comment:
Amy, do you really think Kate Nana has enough memories of her life in China to react like the person in the link? I have such limited memories of my time before I was about four or five--there are some things that make me extremely joyful or profoundly sad, like they were part of an earlier existence, which are beyond reason, but they do not affect my entire life. Interesting perspective, though.
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