New Normal, Part 2

Except for brief excursions to get food, the kids and I have been home for 10 days now. The first two were a weekend, and we all layed about, glad to relax and have nowhere to go. My father-in-law, Tim, and Will returned from a choir trip, and we were excited to watch church online.

Monday and Tuesday I dove into making online or phone contact with students.  Some wanted to avoid me, but most were eager to set up a mentoring session via Zoom. It was exhausting, but productive. My own kids were likewise eager to finish their work and hang out together afterwards.

But Wednesday, I hit a wall. Emotionally. Physically. Everything. Late Tuesday night a colleague commented that she felt like we were out of school for the year. In my head I knew this was a possibility, but to hear someone say it was like a gut punch. Teaching students in person is hard y'all. It is hard to engage every student all day. But to engage students remotely? That is soooo much harder. There will always be those who do their work. But there are students who are already disengaged... all the more so when we aren't physically together.

If I am being honest, I am not so much upset about lost content and disengagement (which I am, but less so). I am mostly upset because I feel adrift and disconnected when I don't see students everyday. I miss them. I miss my colleagues. I miss the custodians and cafeteria workers. I miss the office staff. I miss my other home. I am homesick for them. I have wept over them.

My own children also hit their own walls at various times between Wednesday and Friday. They have grieved their losses like I have, and will likely continue to do so in their own ways. They miss their friends and teachers and routines too.

And have I mentioned I have been sick? More on that in a later post. Suffice it to say I am so, so tired. Which was honestly unexpected during NTI.

A weekend of rest came and went, and today I am back at it, working from home. Today my expectations are a little more tempered. Today my children are finding a groove. We will figure this out. We will find a way through this. We all may need therapy when it is over, but we will find our way.

New Normal

It's been a long time since I've blogged. A lot has changed. I have a full time job teaching. I have 3 teenagers in my house. We have a different house.  Half the links on my side bar no longer function. Lol.

But a lot has stayed the same. Tim is still working at the church. He is still my favorite. My kids still amaze me and crack me up and drive me bananas. Our parents are all healthy. All good things.

So why pick this up again and log in for the first time in almost 5 years? Because of our new normal. We, along with so many other people, are social distancing. If I use the word quarantine I might go crazy, so social distancing it is. And I desperately need a space to process this new normal. I don't know how long it will last, or what the world will look like when we re-emerge from this strange cocoon. I don't know if anyone will ever read this or how long I will use this as an outlet. But I know that blogging kept me sane when I was adopting. I would pour out my heart and my tears because this is how I express myself. And I am fighting for a way to put my thoughts and feelings into words that are not screaming craziness. I don't know. Sometimes my blogs might sound like screaming craziness. We shall see.

So if you run across this and want to read along, that's fine. But I am doing this for me. Because I need it. And I am fighting for a new normal that can sustain me for the long haul.