Where We Are

My life right now is a lot like having a three month old in the house who can walk.  He can't communicate his needs, which means he cries a lot.  He isn't feeling very well and is having some sleeping issues, which means Tim and I aren't sleeping much.  Add to that that he wants to be held all of the time, and when he is not he is following me around the house.  That is my life. 

(Which means there is not a lot of down time right now for writing.  Don't be surprised if this lacks coherence.  I may have to hit Publish without proofreading.) 

Thankfully I have a lot of gracious friends and relatives who are helping lots with the big kids.  They have already been on more trips and adventures this summer than I could count on one hand - church camp, the lake, my aunt's, my uncle Ricky's pool, plus our family vacation to North Carolina with Tim's family.  At the moment Kate is at the movies with my mom, and the boys are on an adventure with my dad and Jee in San Diego. 

Jack is thankfully taking a nap, but every few minutes he cries in his sleep.  I should probably be napping too, considering how little sleep I got last night, but these moments alone are few and far between.  I feel the need to hoard them, doing small things that I enjoy rather than the laundry that is waiting for me downstairs. 

I also feel the need to attempt to express something about our family dynamics at the moment.  (Other than the fact that I keep shipping my kids off.)  Jack seems to have decided that Kate NaNa is his buddy.  When I am otherwise occupied she helps him go up and down the stairs, she helps him put on his pjs, and she can find his bottle and other beloved comfort items.  However, she is not without jealousy.  She occasionally drinks out of his bottle herself and wears his bibs. 

The boys love him, but they are often loud and in his face.  Which means that Jack thinks that he should scream at them anytime they get near him.  Which means that they think that he doesn't like them because he is always screaming at them.  I have tried to explain the circular logic at work here and how they can change this dynamic.  Ben is starting to pick up on how to handle Jack gently.  Will (typically The Baby Whisperer) is just mad that Jack doesn't adore him the same way other small children do. 

Jack and I are still very much trying to figure each other out.  I don't think I have a full grasp of what this transition will eventually look like because I am still smack-dab in the middle of it, desperate for a hot meal and a full eight hours.  Someday maybe I will sit down and put the right words to it, but for now this feeble attempt will have to do.

The first month together was the honeymoon period.  The second month together was reality hitting him (and us) in the face that this was going to be harder than we thought.  We really had to back up and focus on Jack's needs and attachment. 

This past month has been a dance where we move two steps forward and one step back.  Which thankfully adds up to more steps forward than back, but is still a lot of extra steps.  As I said earlier, he wants me to hold him, wants me near him, and seeks me out for comfort.  And all of this is very good and necessary work that needs to go on in our relationship.  But in the next minute he will refuse to let me help him, throw a toy at me, and then look miserable that I have no idea what he is trying to tell me.  Also very normal behavior. 

But that doesn't mean that I am not exhausted.  I am tired.  Unless you are a doctor's office, I have done a terrible job at returning your emails and phone calls.  I haven't read a good book or my favorite blogs in weeks because there is no alone time, and I really need to be present with my kids when they are with me anyway, especially in this time when all four of my kids are so very needy of my attention and time. 

Tim and I have a friend who likes to say, "Four is a challenge." I used to laugh when he said it, but those are the truest words in my life right now.  Learning this new dance of being a family of six is fun and exciting, but I am doing a lot of tripping over my own feet at the moment.  Thank you to everyone who is blessing us with the space on the dance floor to work out the moves.  I think I will get it eventually.

Appointments, Part 6: Speech

Please forgive my lack of posting.  We have been on vacation, and I am still trying to find our new out-of-school norm.

I mentioned earlier that our state's Early Intervention folks had done an evaluation on Jack, and there was one area that he qualified for services: Speech.  He has almost caught up in every other area, but his speech is very slow in coming.  I get a lot of questions about Jack's speech, so I figured that this would be a good place to answer some basic questions.

Can he speak English?

This one gets an eye roll out of me every time.  No, he can't speak English.  Most 21 month olds that I know aren't exactly fluent, ya know?

How will you teach him English?

The same way every English-speaking parent teaches their baby English - they talk to him.  Children learn to understand new languages amazingly fast.  That's why people should learn second or third languages as small children instead of as adults or teenagers.  (But wait, that's another rant of mine.)

Can he speak Chinese?

Nope, he can't speak Chinese either.  The thing is, he doesn't speak.  He babbles.  Because of his cleft palate (the big, gaping hole in the roof of his mouth that goes up into his nasal cavity) he cannot produce most consonant sounds.  He can't make the puff of air he needs for some sounds.  Couple that with the fact that he hasn't been encouraged to babble and play with his sounds.  You know how parents copy their baby's sounds and go back and forth being silly?  This teaches the child to explore their sounds and to imitate words.  But Jack is just now experiencing that.  So, he can say, "Ah gah!" and "mamamamamamama," and "Uh-oh!" and "Ow!"  That is his current favorite repertoire.

Will he ever learn to talk?

Absolutely.  We are starting off with an hour of speech therapy a week.  Melissa comes to our house and basically plays with Jack and me.  She points out positive things he is doing and models exercises for us to do.  For example, this week she wants us to repeat the random noises he makes and get really silly so he will be encouraged to repeat the sounds that we are making.  It's actually really fun, and Jack gets crazy giggly. 

We are also working on teaching him sign language so that he will be able to start communicating his needs with words instead of tears.  Last night in the grocery store he signed milk when we walked past the milk and pizza when we walked past the pizza.  And then we both got crazy giggly.

(Have I ever mentioned that a great place to have a conversation with an infant/toddler is in the grocery store?  You can get lots of eye and skin contact and teach them tons of new stuff, while entertaining the other shoppers at the same time.  Yes, they will stare at you if play peek a boo with your baby while you pick out tomato sauce, but it will also make them smile really big, which most tired shoppers need.  Consider it your contribution to making your town a happier place to live:)

So, to sum up, Jack is right where we expect him to be right now.  He is exploring sounds.  He is trying to imitate us some.  He is starting to use signs.  He's a smart kid.  And he is awesome like that. 

Posts (so far) about Jack's cleft/developmental/IA issues:

• Let the Appointments Begin!
• Appointments, Part 2: Audiology
• Appointments, Part 3: Plastic Surgeons
• Appointments, Part 4: The Dentist  
• Appointments, Part 5: Early Intervention

Posts (yet to come) about Jack's cleft/developmental/IA issues:

• ENT (and probably more audiology)
• Plastic Surgeons...Again (maybe)
• Surgery