My Sweet Girl

My relationship with Kate NaNa has definitely been a process. It's been over a year now since I first saw her face. At the time, I just knew she was my daughter. I loved her even then, in the way that you just know you are going love someone, even though you don't know them very well yet, or even why you will love them. But little by little, bit by bit, our relationship has grown.

When we met, my love grew to a protective, mama bear kind of love. She really did not like me at first. I wanted her to feel safe, to feel love, to smile. Fearful of scaring her, I took my time getting to know her. I would sit near her until she burst into tears at the realization I was there. It was a dance of sorts. I would take two steps forward, one step back, until finally she allowed me to hold her, comfort her, love her. Even then, she still held me at arm's length, only giving affection on her terms.

Once home, she realized I was the one who would meet her daily needs. I fed her, put her to bed, and held her when she cried, even when she pushed me away. My love for her grew to a you are my child, and I can't believe how much I love you kind of love.
As time went by, her personality emerged. We began to see how funny she is, how much she was dying to talk to us and express herself, and how much she loves music. And I began to love her for who she is. I was getting to know her better and better, just like I know my boys. Naturally, at this point I was beyond in love with her. I no longer had to hold back my hugs and kisses, but often when I touched her she would pull back just a little, hold off just a bit.
Today I laid down to nap with her, and she was especially huggy. She wanted to hold my hand, and she kept rubbing my arm. After she dozed off, she kept scooting closer and closer, even though she was asleep. She is beginning to react to me in ways that are similar to the ways that my boys respond. We have come such a long way.

Some of you are probably shocked that it has taken so long to get here. But the reality is that it often takes a long time for adopted kids to learn to trust someone. We have tried very hard not to get anxious about it all, giving it over to God in prayer. Giving her to God. We have asked Him to help us know how to respond to her. I'm sure we haven't gotten everything right, but she is such an amazing, resilient, brave little girl. Loving a child -any child- takes a lot of time and consistency, but it is so worth it.