Life Lessons from Ben

This morning, I was awakened by my boys with requests for breakfast. I have become quite the slacker since they started school. Your choices around here are either cereal or cereal. So I had promised them that I would fix them whatever they wanted for breakfast, but they needed to agree. I don't do different orders. Anyway, Ben wanted cinammon rolls and Will wanted waffles. I told them we would flip a coin. They were fine with this, and Ben won the toss. Will immediately started screaming (he is 4, after all), and Ben felt bad for him and said he could have waffles. I thought that was very nice, and told Will to thank his brother. Will quietly says thank you, and I suggested a thank you hug. Will started screaming again, "I'm scared! I'm scared!" Now, he wasn't scared. This is what he says when he doesn't want to do something, because he has learned that we usually don't force him to do stuff he is afraid of. I was mad and told him that since he was being ugly to his brother he wouldn't be getting any waffles.

I went to the kitchen and started banging around to get cinammon rolls ready. About a minute later, Ben comes into the kitchen, and he has his mad face on. He says, "I said that we could have waffles this morning. It doesn't matter if Will is being ugly. That isn't going to stop me from being nice to him!" He was mad at me for taking away his kind gesture. And he expressed it in a calm way, no screaming or anything. I was completely humbled. He was showing his brother unconditional love.

So I made waffles. When they were ready, Will was hopping around asking who got the first one. I said, "You know, the whole reason we are having waffles is because your brother was kind to you. Do you think you could show some kindness now and let him have the first one?" He said, "Yeah. I can do that. Ben, you can have the first waffle." Wow, with Will this is huge progress.

Now, come tomorrow morning, I will probably wake up to more screaming and arguing. But for a moment today, Ben taught me something about how I should treat others, even when they are ugly to me. Thanks, Ben. I am proud of you.

Now Will, he has his moments, but he is awesome too. For one thing, he makes me laugh all day long. He asked me earlier, "Can I call you 'Dahling'?" and then, "Can I call you 'Lovey'?"

One of his favorite things in the world is what he calls "super shirts" (or supah shuhts in Will-ese.) This is any shirt he has that has a super hero on it. Actually, it doesn't have to have an actual super hero. He sometimes pretends that there is a super hero on the shirt. For example, he has a shirt that has a shark on it. Now, Ben had gotten a shirt with Optimus Prime (Transformers) on it for his birthday. So Will decided that the shark on his shirt was really Optimus Prime, just transformed into a shark instead of a robot or a semi. He has tons of them. One of them has three fish. He says that those three fish are really Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, and Bulkhead (Transformers again). Oh, and the more super shirts you wear, the more super you are. He wore 10 one day. (Click here to see a picture.)

So tonight as he was getting ready for bed, he was bummed that his Transformers underwear was all dirty. So he found his Scooby-Doo in space underwear and put that on. He declared, "I am pretending that it is really Megatron in space." Then he proceeded to put on three more pairs on top of that, just to make sure he was really super.

戌 娜, aka Xu Na

For the past month or so, I have been trying to contact a group of volunteers that have been working in Kate's orphanage (SWI) for several years. They are largely an expatriate group, Americans, Europeans, Asians, who care for the children of this orphanage and give their time and energy there. Some of them live stateside now, and I have been exchanging emails with them in hopes of finding someone who knows my daughter. So far, no luck. Only a half dozen or so have responded to me, and of them, they all say 1) She is beautiful (which we already knew:). 2) She looks sort of familiar, but they don't remember her for sure. 3) She looks extremely healthy and well-fed, which leads them to believe that she is in foster care, rather than the SWI. Still, they have been very kind and a huge encouragement to me.

This morning I got an email from one of these workers who had gone to the SWI in hopes of seeing my daughter. She talked to a staff member there who confirmed that she is in foster care (YAY!), and asked how to say her name. There have been a variety of spellings, and we weren't sure which one was correct. Apparently, the last part of her name can be pronounced either Nuo, with a rising tone, or Na, with a falling tone. According to this lady, her current name is Xu Na, not Xu Nuo. This will be a shift for us, because we have been saying Xu Nuo for over a month now. (For those of you wondering, Xu is pronounced high, and sounds like Shu.) This is what it looks like in Mandarin: 戌 娜. According to one Chinese-American friend of Tim's, her name means "an elegant and graceful beauty, born in the year of the dog". The year of the dog (Xu) refers to the Chinese Zodiac. (For more on Chinese pronunciation, check out this English-Chinese dictionary which actually pronounces the Mandarin for you if you plug in the characters. Pretty cool.)

Anyway, this volunteer said she would try to visit the foster family and take some photos of her there. How cool would that be? I will keep you updated. I am so thankful for this group and all that they have done to love these kids. Pray for their work there, and for the foster family that is taking care of Kate. We are thankful for them as well.

My Very Own Roller Coaster

No, I haven't been to the amusement park lately, but I definitely feel like I have been. We have gotten good news, bad news, ok news, more bad news, good news again. I am tired and grumpy. But I wanted to share with you all what all has been going on - at least the parts that you will care about:)

On Thursday, our agency received our Travel Approval. This is the CCAA giving their persmission for us to travel to China to pick up Kate. We actually didn't find this out until Friday (which was our 10th Anniversary, BTW), which was a great way to celebrate! On Monday, Mike, our agency rep called to tell us that the US Consulate in Guangzhou was completely booked up for the entire month of September. So much for leaving in 2 1/2 weeks. In fact, the earliest they would schedule our appointment would be October 21st. Our agency had originally said no travel in October due to the Guangzhou Trade Fair. However, when they got this depressing news they changed their minds and are allowing us to travel October 9-23. Thank goodness for small mercies. Today, we also got our passports back with the required Chinese visas in them! Yeah, us! Then later, we got our price estimates from our travel agent. Also, good news.

Basically there has been more good than bad, but I guess I am just disappointed that it will be another month before we travel. This is also going to conflict with Tim's fall break student mission trip. On the positive, I was freaking out about how I was going to get everything done in the next 2 weeks. Also, we should now be free to tour Beijing without any complications. But it still doesn't quite add up to more positives than negatives. I am trying to trust that God is bringing it all together as it should be, but I am impatient and grouchy. What can I say?

"I'll be at the club"

For those of you who know my dad, you know that he golfs. A lot. Which means that he spends a lot of time at the local country club. Even when he isn't golfing he likes to hang out there. He says he is going to the club.

Well, Saturday we went to my aunt's house to swim in her pool. We got to see my grandparents and Bunk and just relax. At one point the boys were playing on a low brick wall that surrounds the patio area. It's probably a foot high. They were sitting on it, eating, playing with their toys, etc. They kept calling it their clubhouse. I didn't really think anything of it. At one point Ben comes over to Sally and me and says, "If you need me, I'll be at the club." I just about fell over laughing. I wonder where he's heard that before. That is exactly how my dad says it.

Homework

Ben's first homework assignment is due tomorrow. Yes, apparently kindergarteners do have homework. His assignment was to find out how long he was when he was born, and to bring in a baby photo and a baby outfit he wore. I am sending the cute little yellow onesie with the monkey on it. I always loved that one, and he thought it was funny that he used to fit into it. (This isn't the picture I sent, but I couldn't find a digital copy.)
Anyway, Ben and I had some laughs getting this together, but as I thought about it, I got kind of sad. Yes, I was sad about how much Ben had grown, but that's not really what I mean. I was sad because I realized that I won't be able to do this assignment with Kate in quite the same way. Although I do know how long she was when she was born, I don't have any "baby" pictures of her. The oldest one I have was taken at about 17 months (we think). I don't have any baby clothes. There is a big chunk of her life that we don't share. There is so much that I won't be able to tell her about because I wasn't there.

At some point in her life, she will probably grieve that loss (and others). All I can do is love her and talk to her honestly about what we do know. Which isn't much. I pray God will give me the strength and wisdom to answer these questions well. To walk with her through whatever she goes through, supporting and encouraging her. All of this is one of the reasons that I wanted the boys to go with us to China. I wanted us to have family memories with her as early as possible. I want my boys to remember her birth country and be able to tell her stories about what it is like. I want her to have a positive connection with China. I want her to be proud of her heritage and birth culture.

J&A

On another note, we got to talk with Jacob and Alison today. We miss them so much, and I was so glad to talk to them. They seem to be doing well, and are adjusting to all of the changes. Pray for them to learn the language. I can't even imagine how difficult it must be. I am very proud of them:)

New Pictures!!

Check out that laugh... and those dimples!

Dana called a few minutes ago to tell me that the pictures are here! I can't believe how much she has grown!! Her measurements aren't that much bigger, but she just looks so much older! She is a little girl now. We think the previous pictures were taken in March, so she is 5 months older here, 22 months old. She looks healthy and happy, and I can't wait to get my hands on her! This is also the first time we have seen her legs and arms. Before she was all bundled up! I'm glad she isn't wearing four layers in August! I bet it is really hot there. The report gave details like that she can run and walk. She can say "Mama," but her speech is unclear (ie, will need speech therapy). This is due to her cleft palate. It also says she doesn't take toys away from other children. Her big brothers will appreciate that!

We are still waiting for Travel Approval, so pray that it will come soon. We REALLY want to go next month!

Update

We got two important updates in the last 24 hours. Today our new I-797C came in the mail. I realize that most of you don't know what this is, but it is a piece of paper from the USCIS saying that we can adopt a child with Kate's age and special need (cleft lip/palate). It turns out that the lady who processes them had the flu all last week, and that is why it was a week late. She has been very nice and even emailed me yesterday to let me know it was on its way. Can I tell you how nice it is to have a positive experience with a governmental agency!!
Second (and more exciting), Dana at AHH emailed me yesterday to tell me that they got an update on Katie. She is now about 26.5 pounds and 32 inches tall. They even said that her feet are 5.7 inches long. How cute is that?! Can anybody tell me if that is a size 7? I bought one pair of size 7s last month, thinking that they looked huge. But when I measured them against a ruler, they are about 6 inches long. Which means I probably need to return them. Oh well.
Supposedly there are pictures also. Our agency contact in Beijing said that her orphanage is going to snail mail them to Beijing, and then they will send them on to Dana, who will forward them to me. So check back in the next couple of days, and hopefully I will have pics!!!